Introduction
Can I Have Sex If I’m A Single Christian?
Can I have sex if I’m a Christian single? The easy and right answer to this is ‘NO’ however sometimes just hearing the word ‘NO’ is not enough we need to try and understand why we come to that conclusion but more importantly why God doesn’t agree with society.
God is looking for holy people. Christian mates who will not destroy his temple by giving themselves to multiple partners.
‘Surely you know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you! God will destroy anyone who destroys God’s temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you yourselves are his temple.’ 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
The Bible tells us to flee fornication. Keep your temple clean and look for others who are doing the same. The Lord understands that you are flesh and have weaknesses. Nevertheless, He does not want you to be used and abused by others who care only to take advantage of you.
God desires that you find a mate who will not just serve you with their body, but physically, mentally, socially, financially and spiritually. He wants you to have the ‘total package’. This is why He ordained marriage. Therefore, that one person can get the whole package. It is better to receive the total package than receive just ¼ of it!
Understand God’s Perspective on Sex
Hey, I love sex, and I hope you do too. But the fact of the matter is God loves sex even more than we do. After all, He thought of it, right?
Most of us have heard that God is not a killjoy when it comes to sex, read Song of Solomon. Yet as its inventor, He wants us to enjoy the full purpose for which he created it. It’s a wonderful and exciting expression of love within the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman. When we settle for anything less than this, we cheat ourselves and our partner.
To Have Sex is foolish Before Marriage
Picture the scene, you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a while now, you’ve resisted all temptations to have sexual relations and then it’s your
‘BIG DAY’
You’re getting married and after the ceremony, it’s on to the reception party and after the party, it’s on to the hotel and as you both lay there in a huge bed the moment you’ve both been waiting for arrives. Wow!
You see, that ‘Wow’ will never exist if you have sexual relations before your intended time. The excitement, the nerves, and the expectations would not be there and that would be tragic. Take a moment to read these Bible passages, they possess a huge amount of wisdom, in other words, be careful, there is more than just your sexual relationship with someone at stake.
‘Come on! Let’s make love all night long. We’ll be happy in each other’s arms’. Proverbs 7:18
‘The sins of the wicked are a trap. They get caught in the net of their own sin’. Proverbs 5:22
‘Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone. Children that you have by other women will do you no good. Your children should grow up to help you, not strangers’. Proverbs 5:15-17
‘Son, why should you give your love to another woman? Why should you prefer the charms of another man’s wife?’ Proverbs 5:20
‘If you do, others will gain the respect that you once had, and you will die young at the hands of merciless people. Yes, strangers will take all your wealth, and what you have worked for will belong to someone else. You will lie groaning on your deathbed; your flesh and muscles being eaten away.’ Proverbs 5:9-11
A Christian friend of mine was dating a non-Christian and she compromised her faith to please him and because her desire to be intimate with him was so great, they had sexual relations. She told me that her guilt and shame afterwards were almost unbearable.
Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last, not because she didn’t love him and want to be with him but because she was losing her identity as a Christian and was sinning against her God.
This should stand as a good warning for all Christians who are in a relationship, sometimes it’s more than the physical which can be affected by premature sexual relations.
‘Avoid immorality. Any other sin a man commits does not affect his body; but the man who is guilty of sexual immorality sins against his own body’. 1 Corinthians 6:18
‘Since you are God’s people, it is not right that any matters of sexual immorality or indecency or greed should even be mentioned among you’. Ephesians 5:3
‘Marriage is to be honoured by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4
Sexual Purity and Abstinence
Many people feel uncomfortable when the topic of sexual purity or abstinence comes up mainly due to their own temptations, or past sins. As Christians, we are commanded by God to live a sexually pure life. Now I’m sure that all of you have heard all this before: ‘Save sex for marriage, blah blah blah…’
But the problem is, not knowing what is right. The real struggle is doing what is right and saving sex for the right place and time, which is marriage. Today’s society is screaming at us to engage in sexual activities in any way and as often as we would like with whomever we want.
So how are we as Christians supposed to stay pure and live up to God’s standards?
If you are a Christian single struggling with sexual impurity, you are probably doing so in one or more of these areas:
a. Pornography addiction. Usually internet but sometimes DVD OR magazines.
b. A Christian dating relationship that started well but has now devolved into an out-of-control sexual one.
c. Habitual masturbation.
d. An adulterous relationship with someone else’s mate.
Sexual Purity Tips
‘We should not commit sexual immorality.’ 1 Corinthians 10:8
One of the hardest things for Christian singles is remaining sexually pure. It doesn’t matter if you are a single woman or man, or whether you believe in courtship or traditional dating.
Yes, remaining sexually pure as a single Christian is a real battle, a tug-o-war between our raging hormones and desires, and our Lord’s plan for our lives in this area:
‘It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable.’ 1 Thessalonians 4:3
1. A good thing that we can do to avoid sexual sins is to make sure that we don’t put ourselves in situations where there is temptation.
If you are in a dating relationship, and things are getting very serious, then it would be a bad idea to be together alone in a house because it may cause temptation which can lead to sexual sin. Instead, go out somewhere where it would be difficult to take things too far.
2. Try not to engage in activities that may tempt you to sin sexually.
There are many fun and creative dating ideas that you can choose from that will help you get brainstorming.
Overall, staying pure is a day by day commitment. Remember that God already has that special someone for you, and if you have sex before marriage, then you will be cheating yourself and your future soul mate of untold great sex.
Christian Singles’ Sexual Sins and Isolation
More than any other sin, sexual sins tend to be hidden, secret sins that few close to us will know we are committing. Also, due to the perceived embarrassing nature of sexual impurity, many Christian singles feel they have nowhere to turn for help with their sexual problems. Additionally, many churches lack mechanisms to deal with such issues.
Sex sin is a huge issue for Christian singles.
Why?
The simple answer is that most singles struggle with some form of sex sin or are at least tempted in this particular area. What exactly is sexual sin? There are several words the Bible uses that would go under the umbrella of sexual sins:
a. Fornication. Any unlawful sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
b. Sexual Immorality. Any other sexual activity outside of a God-ordained union of man and wife, other than sexual intercourse, that would be considered defrauding your single brother or sister. 1Thessalonians 4.
For example, oral sex outside of marriage would fall under this second category of sex sin. So, when a popular US president stated: ‘I did not have sex with that woman’, he was partially telling the truth in that he did not specifically commit fornication as biblically defined but did partake in sexual immorality.
Have no fear God is near.
‘No temptation has seized you except what is common to man and God is faithful: He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out, so you can stand up under it.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13
Single Men Need Help
What Christian single men really need is an environment of open communication and compassionate counsel that will help them nip lust in the bud. The following verse needs to be in practice for single men to have a chance at conquering lust in their lives.
‘Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ.’ Galatians 6:1-2
Unfortunately, since many evangelical churches encourage a culture of denial and secrecy, many single men suffer silently, and receive no help at all or the other extreme is that men are afraid that they are going to be judged and then condemned.
If you are feeling lost and alone in sexual impurity and see no way out, let me make the following suggestions: Remember how much God loves you and talk to someone you trust.
Although sexual impurity may take you out of fellowship with your Heavenly Father, His love for you remains unchanged. If you are now living in sexual sin, you are one prayer away from forgiveness and complete cleansing, 1 John 1:9.
His heart’s desire for you is complete restoration, and the rebuilding of your intimate relationship with Him.
Your First Thoughts
Please write down your own thoughts on this part of the lesson whilst they are fresh in your mind.
Evaluation Questions
These questions are designed to help you think through the topic discussed so that you may have a true view of yourself.
1. What are YOUR thoughts on sex before marriage?
2. What are GOD’S commands on sex before marriage?
3. If YOU have sex before marriage how will this affect YOUR relationship with YOUR MATE and GOD?
4. Do YOU have a plan to help YOU stay sexually pure before entering and during a relationship?
5. Would YOU have the confidence to speak to someone if YOUR struggling with sexual purity, if so who?
Next Class
Can We Be Sure God Will Provide?
We will discuss: Some people want to enter a relationship for all the wrong reasons, so we will at some of the motives people have especially the world’s motives. We will take a peek into the life of Hannah and see her sorrow whilst also seeing her assurance from God. We will also see that it’s ok to ask God to send us the right person as long as our hearts are right just like the Canaanite woman and Hezekiah.
Next Class Preparation
Please read Ephesians 4:29 / 1 Corinthians 13:1 / Colossians 2:23 / Philippians 2:15 / 1 Samuel 1:7 / 1 Samuel 1:17 / Mark 7:26 / Isaiah 38:1.
