In these first four chapters, you have been dealing with positive subjects which can result in bringing good emotions and feelings. Armed with these feelings, you can conquer the negative emotions that fill your life.
In the next few chapters, you are going to be dealing with many of the things that cause emotional pain in your life. You will explore them as to their origin and how you can overcome them so that you can have the abundant life that Christ has promised.
Volumes could be written about the things men have feared. While some fear is good for you, inordinate (excessive) fears can be very disabling and can cause much unhappiness.
It seems we are living in an “Age of Fear.” Science has worked hard to conquer certain things which have brought fear to the hearts of men over the ages. However, it seems that as science conquers one fear, it invents a new one. Very few of us go through life without struggling with some fears.
It is often a very painful experience and robs us of happiness and peace of mind. Where does fear come from? First, it is well to recognise that a certain amount of fear is good for you.
God has put within us a capacity for fear so that we respond properly to threatening situations as a means of keeping us from being harmed. But what about those abnormal fears that disturb and upset your peace of mind? Fear is learned!
Often, parents tell children scary stories to manipulate them into some kind of behaviour pattern they desire them to have. Not too many years ago, it was common to hear parents tell their children, “The boogie man will get you if you do that.”
If you grew up in a family situation where there was constant fear and very little feeling of security, then this insecurity was probably passed on to you. Because of the example set before you, you grew up learning to feel afraid and insecure.
But what can be learned can be unlearned, although it is difficult to unlearn something that has become a habit. In other words, fear becomes a habit, and habits are hard to break.
One of the great blessings of Christianity is that it can remove inordinate fears from your life.
Notice the apostle gives three things that make it possible for us to overcome our fears.
1. God gives us power, 2 Timothy 1:7.
This is the strength that Paul speaks of in Philippians 4:13, where he writes: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Paul gives us an example of how he received strength when he faced threatening situations.
Paul did not feel alone. He knew the Lord was there with him to encourage, bless, comfort and strengthen him. The final words of Jesus to his disciples before ascending into heaven were, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age,” Matthew 28:20.
While you may already know this, it still goes back to our previous lesson. You must trust in God with all your heart. Never doubt for one moment that God is with you and will never desert you for one moment.
2. We are provided with love, 2 Timothy 1:7.
Surrounded by the knowledge that God loves and cares very much for you makes fear vanish. You may recall that in the first chapter, we discussed feelings. You can know something intellectually, but it is far more important to really feel what you know.
This is why we have emphasised the need for reading over and over again these scriptures and meditating upon them so that you not only know what they say, but you also begin to feel what they say. You need to feel God’s love for you. Surrounded by the knowledge that God loves and cares very much for you makes fear vanish.
3. Paul says that God gives us a sound mind, 2 Timothy 1:7.
Here we have one of those Greek words that is difficult to give a direct translation. It means self-control in the face of panic. The Christian learns to control himself in the face of danger.
This is what Moses told Israel at the Red Sea when they were about to panic as they saw the Egyptian army following them, and there was no place to flee as the Red Sea was before them. Moses told them the following.
We are not implying you will never have fear. You will because fear is a natural emotion. However, God provides you with the power to deal with your fears and most of the time they will only be a temporary experience.
This does not mean that you can engage in reckless abandon, disregarding dangers. It simply means that fears do not have to control your life so that you are unproductive and your peace of mind is destroyed.
In Philippians 4:7, Paul speaks of a peace of mind which “surpasses all understanding.” Fear is an enemy of peace of mind. It can completely destroy it. But thanks be to God, he makes it possible for you to deal with fear.
Many times, the disciples of the Lord would become afraid. Jesus would often respond by saying, “Do not be afraid.” He says the same thing to you today. Do you believe this? Can you actually feel this way?
Romans 8 is filled with passages that will give you assurance and confidence. Let us notice just a few of them.
When these passages are carefully read and meditated upon, they will instil within you courage and peace of mind. The more you allow them to become a part of your thinking, the more fear will dissipate from your life.
What are your fears? Some common fears are about health (sickness), failure, rejection by others, people (inferiority complex), growing old, death and various phobias, etc.
Over the next seven days, you need to concentrate on eliminating any inordinate fears from your life by letting the word of God drive fear from your heart. As in the previous mental exercises, this will require that you find a quiet place where you will be free from distractions or interruptions.
We recommend the following three steps.
1. Read slowly and carefully the following two passages.
2. Pray to your Father, thanking him for providing you with the means of overcoming your fears.
Tell him you are going to let him help you overcome. Tell him you believe his word and that you want to be victorious over your fears but need his strength. Tell him specifically what it is you fear, and then ask him to help you overcome your fears.
3. Select a fear or phobia that really gives you trouble.
Keeping this fear in mind, get into a comfortable position. Takes some deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Relax every muscle in your body. When relaxed, close your eyes and visualise your worst fear.
See yourself in complete control, knowing that God loves you and is with you. Review in your mind the many scriptures you have read in this lesson, including those you have previously read in other chapters, which are applicable.
Do a lot of meditation on these scriptures. Apply them to your worst fears. Using this kind of daily meditation along with God’s word and prayer, you can begin to overcome your fears. Get rid of the debilitating habit of fear and replace it with the feeling of God’s protection.
Just remember who our God is. He can deliver us. The children of Israel reached the Red Sea the Egyptian army was behind them. They were ready to panic. Moses speaks, listen to what he told them.
You know the rest of the story. Moses extended his rod over the sea, and the sea was parted so the people could pass over to the other side. As the Egyptian army tried to follow, they were swallowed up by the sea. What a wonderful story of God’s protection, care and concern for His people.
Does he not still watch over us today? While the days of miracles have ceased, His providence still presides over his people. Write out the things you fear the most, and then write out what steps you are going to take to rid yourself of them.
One of the most devastating things you can experience is to be rejected. Did you ever experience rejection as a child growing up? It can be a very brutal experience.
Very few survive without suffering a great amount of emotional pain, sometimes for a lifetime. We live in a very hostile environment that includes a great amount of rejection.
It happens every day and comes from many sources. It can be very subtle or very open and aggressive. In a dysfunctional home, rejection is very common. When a child comes into the world, he or she can almost immediately sense acceptance or rejection.
A mother or father, by just their facial expressions, often conveys acceptance or rejection. Even the tone of voice will do this. Screaming at a child says, “I reject you.”
Punishment often shows rejection rather than correction. Ignoring a child is another form of rejection. Sadly, thousands of children are abandoned every year.
The following are some common statements of rejection often heard by children.
To a small child, such experiences described above translate into the feeling, “I am not worth anything. I only cause trouble and hurt others. I’m a burden to my parents. I’m not likeable. I must be an awful person. Nobody can like me.” Such rejection can devastate a child for life. Not all rejection comes from the home.
Many times, the source is from outside the home. A teacher can show rejection toward a student in the classroom. Sometimes it may be very subtle on his or her part. A child’s peers, even his friends, can be very cruel. Children can ostracise another child in the classroom and in the neighbourhood.
Often, rejection comes later in life. Divorce is nothing more than rejection. It is a terrible blow to one’s ego to be divorced. Divorce says, “You are not good enough for me.” A person’s dignity and worth are suddenly lost. Divorce recovery is difficult. The grieving process may take some time before one can recover from the pain.
In a marriage, one or both of the mates can be very abusive in a verbal or physical way. After so long, this will translate into a feeling of worthlessness and low self-esteem. This can happen in your workplace where persons above you or even those who work beside you can make such remarks that will lower your self-esteem.
1. Rejection destroys self-esteem.
The child will not feel his or her worth.
2. Rejection causes deep hurt and hostility toward others.
A child feeling threatened sometimes strikes back or else acts out a form of hostility.
3. Suspicion is another fruit of rejection.
A child will be suspicious of good things. It is difficult for a rejected child to accept love and to share love with others. He is afraid he might be rejected and hurt all over again. He never feels he is worthy of compliments.
4. Fear of abandonment.
This goes back to early childhood. When rejection is experienced, children counter this fear with mistrust and shut down their feelings so they will not feel the hurt.
Another way of handling this is not to get too close to people by abandoning them before they can be abandoned again. There is a tendency toward self-isolation. Feeling unwanted, a child will withdraw from others to keep from being rejected and hurt again.
5. It is often hard to trust God (as in prayer) because, as a child, you could not trust anyone else.
Why would God love and help me if I am not worthy of love?
6. Such abused people have a tremendous feeling of shame.
Feeling they have failed to be what they should have been, they feel guilty of not being someone of value. A destructive process is now in progress. There is a law of physics that says, “A body in motion continues to remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.” This law applies to human behaviour.
A personality in the process of deterioration tends to continue in that process unless acted upon by an outside force. Forces of deterioration inherent in seeing ourselves as “bad” have been at work and will continue an ongoing degenerative process unless acted upon to force a halt. So much of what we are is rooted in the early developmental years of our lives.
But we can be delivered from the scars, damages and lies of the past. God’s re-programming grace can dissolve the compulsions of our wrongly computerised past.
1. Recognise the source.
Parents who will abuse a child in this way are messed up in their own emotional system. They were probably abused in the same way you have been. It is obvious they have an emotional problem which they have passed on to you.
As painful as it may be, get in touch with those feelings of rejection and recognise they have come from someone with emotional problems. Realise there is no factual basis for anything they said or did that proves you should have been rejected.
2. Reject the rejection.
Why? Because what your parents said or did is not true of you.
Now just think about it. You were created in the image of God. That means you are a person of great value. According to Psalms 8:5, we were all made “a little lower than the angels.” You are so important that God allowed his son to die on the cross for you.
This means you are of tremendous value. Instead of accepting your parents’ value system, accept God’s evaluation of your worth. Discover how important you really are.
3. You can partake of the divine nature of God according to Peter.
In other words, you can be like him. This is not just for a few people but for anyone who wants to partake of that divine nature.
While your parents may have rejected you, God will never reject you.
He gladly receives those who are willing to come to him. Furthermore, you can have many Christian brothers and sisters who will love you as you are and will not reject you.
During the coming week, read this chapter over once each day. Review the scriptures you have been meditating on for the past five weeks. Meditate on them word by word.
Meditation is a major key to overcoming emotional pain in your life. In meditation, you are reinforcing your attempt to replace old false negative concepts with new positive healthy emotions.
Consider how these truths of God’s word contradict the false concepts that you are of no value. Don’t allow yourself henceforth to ever think of yourself as of no value or importance.
God considers you a person of great worth. If such false thoughts enter your mind, then recall these great scriptures which contradict your negative thoughts. Now spend some time in prayer thanking God for making you in his own image and making you a little lower than the angels.
At this stage of your studies, it would be well if you would begin to find someone (a good friend, if possible) with whom you can share your feelings. Most of us do not want to let others know about our inner secrets and feelings. Yet to be able to verbalise them to someone else is very important.
If you can’t feel comfortable speaking to a close friend, then find someone else you can talk with. Of course, you want someone you know you can trust, who will keep confidential what you talk about. Talking it out to someone else is a great healer. So start thinking. Who can you share your emotional pain with?
When deep negative emotions have been repressed inside a person for years, they remind us of steam in a boiler with no outlet. In time, the boiler will blow up.
This is what happens to bad negative feelings that are stuffed and never vented. In time, they catch up with you and blow up, resulting in depression, low self-esteem, insecurity, false guilt, etc., etc.
Verbalising them to someone is like letting highly compressed steam escape from a boiler. Once you can begin to verbalise your inner emotions, you will be surprised by how much relief you will experience.
At first, it is always difficult to do this, but once you get started, you will find it much easier to do it. The more you do it, the more relief you will begin to experience. Verbalisation is a great healer. Don’t be afraid to use it.
Write down and list incidents you may recall that were very hurtful to you, and who it was that was responsible. Go back in time as far as you can. Then write out how you reacted to your hurtful experiences.
When you have completed writing down this information, you then need to verbalise it to someone (a friend, confidant, counsellor, etc.). You probably have stuffed some of these things for years. Verbalising can bring relief. Get them out in the open.
Worry is something that very few of us escape. With some worry may be mild and short-lived. For others, worry is an unceasing, everyday way of life that consumes their energy and time. Worry can be very overpowering and a very painful experience.
It might surprise you to know that most of us worry because we have been trained to worry. Not that someone deliberately taught us to worry. We learn worry by observing others who worry.
If our parents were people who worried, then in all likelihood we would worry too. Worry is actually a habit, a learned habit. While we were learning how to worry, we were never taught how to rid ourselves of worry.
How do we overcome worry? Any habit is difficult to overcome, but it can be done if we are willing to put forth the effort. If a Christian says, “I can’t help it”, he is really saying, “I don’t want to do anything about worry.” This simply means he is unwilling to put forth the effort to overcome his habit.
Worry, like any other habit, can be altered by the will. God’s word can help us here. By substituting God’s will for our will, we can overcome worry. Like so many of the negative emotions we have already studied, worry is a choice. You can choose a better way, God’s way.
These two verses alone are really all you need to overcome worry. They teach several things.
1. A Christian is commanded not to worry.
God does not want his children to worry. As his child, he wants you to be a joyful and happy.
2. We are to let God know about our problems and cares.
God cares so much that he says you can turn the cares and worries of life over to him and he will take care of them for you. What more can you ask for than this?
3. Having turned the matter over to God, we can have peace of mind.
Your worry is lifted from you and placed in the hands of God, who is in complete control. This is most assuring and can provide you with peace of mind.
Overcoming the habit of worry then is a matter of willpower, that you will no longer worry because you have One you can turn everything over to, Your Father in heaven loves you very much, and He has assured you of many things.
Can you believe these verses? Will you believe them? This is the whole issue: letting God take over and be in control. It may not come easy at first, but each time you are tempted to worry, you can recall these scriptures and learn to replace your old habit of worry with a new habit of turning things over to God in complete trust and complete confidence in God.
Here are some further suggestions that can help you overcome worry. Before beginning to worry, analyse the situation you are worried about. Is it really worth worrying over? Many times, you may worry over minor things which really have no effect on your happiness or future.
A study made of human worries concluded that 40% of them will never happen, 30% are concerned with how other people feel about us (their criticism of us), 12% involved old decisions which cannot be changed and 10% are related to health problems which may or may not exist.
Someone has observed: “Worrying really works! I’ve noticed that the things I worry the most about never came to pass.” Jesus said that worry will not make one hair black or white, Matthew 5:36.
When you analyse the things you are worried over, you will find that in most cases it is wasted energy and time. Obviously, worry does not help solve most of your problems; it is really useless.
Another suggestion which can be helpful is to limit the amount of time you spend each day worrying. Many individuals who worry so much will set aside a definite period of time (15 minutes) each day to worry about their problems.
Then anytime during the day when the problem crosses your mind, you can say to yourself, “I can’t think about this issue right now. I will consider it at the next designated 15-minute period that I have set aside to worry.”
Also, one way of dealing with a problem that causes you worry is acceptance. In fact, acceptance may be the best answer. If action and prayer cannot change what you are worried about, then acceptance may be the solution.
There are some things you simply cannot change; you have to accept the situation. We all have our limitations. Acceptance often hurts and is hard, but the sooner you can do this, the sooner your worries will begin to vanish.
In the garden the night before his trial and crucifixion, the Lord prayed to the Father to remove his approaching sufferings. But then he added the following.
Even though it was not possible for him to be relieved of his sufferings, we are told in Luke 22:43, “An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.” You, too, can receive strength from the Lord in bearing heavy burdens.
The apostle Paul had some sort of physical affliction and prayed to God three times that it might be removed. God responded by saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” 2 Corinthians 12:9. Paul’s response was as follows.
It would be helpful if you could remember that 98% of the things you worry about will never happen. Don’t waste time and energy worrying over that possible 2% chance!
Learn to take it one day at a time. According to one study, a large percentage of our anxieties relate to material things. In his sermon on the mount in Matthew 6:25-33, Jesus says you are not to worry over material things.
He further promises that if you put the kingdom first, all these “things” will be given to us. Paul said, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances,” Philippians 4:11.
If you can learn contentment, you can eliminate many of your worries. Also, you have the assurance of the Lord that your material necessities will be supplied. You may not have all the luxuries that others have, but you will have a sufficient amount to sustain your life.
If you allow yourself to be worried over whether or not you will have certain luxuries, then you are placing emphasis on the wrong things. Worrying about material things is completely out of place. Earlier in this chapter, we looked at the following passage.
Did you notice the word “Thanksgiving”? No doubt many of our worries would melt away if we had more of the spirit of thanksgiving. A thankful heart is so filled with an awareness of God’s goodness that it finds little to worry about.
We have so many blessings to count that there are very few negative things to occupy our minds with. Every Christian is a very rich person. He has access to all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus.
If you are caught up in these spiritual blessings, you have little time to contemplate the negative and thus have very little to worry about. As a rule, children do not worry. If they do, it is usually momentarily. Once they are assured by their parents, their concerns vanish.
The word “change” means to convert. When we become Christians, our entire outlook on life should be changed. We all need to become like little children and quit worrying. Trust in your heavenly Father and let your worries vanish.
Your mental exercise for this week calls for you to read this chapter once each day, meditating on all the scriptures. Determine that you are not going to worry. When you pray to your Father, ask him to help you overcome worry. Begin turning everything over to Him.
Have you given serious thought to someone you can talk out your feelings with, as suggested in the last chapter? By now, you should have the name of someone you can approach about this. It may be you can find someone who has also had emotional pain.
This person knows what it is like and can understand your feelings better than someone who has not had to deal with emotional trauma and pain. Think about it and begin making plans to approach that certain person you will feel free to talk with.
The following questions may help you cope with your worry. Write down the answers to each one.
1. Ask yourself what the problems are.
2. What is the cause of the problem?
3. What are the possible solutions to your problems?
4. Which solutions do I accept?
5. When and how do I plan to put my solution into action?
Anger is a natural emotion we were born with. We began to express it as early as infancy. Anything that frustrates or irritates us will usually provoke the emotion of anger.
Generally speaking, anger has been considered something bad and should not be expressed. The truth is, anger is a natural emotion, and it is right to express it provided we keep it under proper control.
In Ephesians 4:26, Paul commands, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Even Jesus expressed anger. The important thing about anger is that we express it in such a way that we “do not sin.”
You can verbalize your anger without losing control, saying or doing something inappropriate. Also, anger should not be allowed to be retained for a long period of time.
If your family rules said it was wrong to express anger, that you would be punished if you did, then you may have learned faulty ways of handling anger. You probably ended up doing one of two things. Either you repressed or suppressed it.
If you repress anger, you stuff it and refuse to feel it. If you suppress anger, you feel it but never express it. Either of these can produce problems in later years. While it may be temporarily blocked out of the memory, it remains very active within the subconscious, causing pain, especially in adult years.
Many studies have been made of the ill effects of anger and hate upon the human body. It has been found to be very destructive to the body. Blood pressure may rise to a dangerous point.
The heart is effected which in turn affects various physiological functions. The nervous system is also affected. One psychologist has gone so far as to say that pent-up anger causes more deaths than any other cause.
This is because of the harmful effects anger and hate have on the vital organs of the body. Anger, which is improperly handled, often leads to depression. As stress builds, it results in anxiety that is not dealt with.
Biochemical changes then begin to take place in the brain, which can lower vital chemicals that serve as neurotransmitters in the brain. As it decreases, depression can result. It is a known fact that depression has its roots in anger and chemical imbalances in the brain.
Anger is experienced in endless ways. Children often experience anger against a loved one who has died. They feel deserted. Since it is unacceptable to express anger toward one you loved who is now dead, anger is then turned on self and some years later, depression may be the result. This also happens to children in a divorced home.
Many children blame themselves for the divorce, suppress their anger and then later it will come out in something to cover the pain, such as an addiction. Divorced people can also internalise anger. They often feel rejected, thus a blow has been delivered to their self-image.
The anger is repressed and sometimes comes out as rage over various things or people. Perfectionists or legalists are very hard on themselves. They become very critical and negative about themselves. They are likely to have false guilt over not being able to do more or be perfect. Thus, they turn on themselves.
Professional people also follow in this pattern. All of these are easy victims of emotional disorders. It is not uncommon for a woman to become severely depressed after the birth of her baby. She has repressed her mixed feelings about having the baby.
If these feelings about having the baby are unacceptable to the mother, she internalises her anger and becomes depressed. This can easily happen after a second or third child, especially when the child was not wanted. Couples who constantly quarrel using verbal abuse, one or both are likely to internalise their anger.
At this point, we need to give some attention to spiritual abuse. This is something that can be found among Christians. Parents sometimes will use God as a way to frighten and threaten their children.
They may say something like, “God doesn’t like you when you do that.” Or they might say, “God will punish you if you are a bad boy.” Parents may infer that a child is having problems because he or she is not right with God. The result is that God becomes a symbol of punishment to a child.
The implication is that God is harsh, punitive and critical. Fear of God’s punishment causes a Child to be fearful of God. This sort of abuse can be detrimental to a child’s spiritual development.
It will produce an internalised anger either against the parents or even God, sometimes both. Children should see in their parents who rely on a God who is a loving Father and cares deeply about His children.
They should see in their parents that God is one whom you can talk to at any time through prayer and that he wants us to communicate with him. They must also see that God is a forgiving God.
Setting rules that are difficult to follow is abuse. A functional family provides rules that are clear and are possible to follow. Children should see that their parents not only require certain rules of their children but also observe them themselves. These rules eventually become the foundation of a child’s value system.
A dysfunctional family provides children with no rules or such vague and contradictory rules that life is chaotic. Often, no attempt is made to follow the rules. “Do as I say and not as I do.” With such vague kind of rules, children are continually trying to achieve something that cannot be achieved, thus constantly failing and getting shamed.
They come to believe God expects them to live up to rules they can never follow, thus they are not good enough for God to love them. Demanding perfection is another abuse. To teach children that being perfect is normal is dysfunctional.
In a family where perfection is expected, children learn to lie (to avoid the pain of shame) or to repress the fact that they are imperfect. Also, expecting children to be adult-like is dysfunctional because their nature is childlike. This very likely will lead to internalised anger.
Any serious abuse, such as physical, sexual, screaming, ridiculing, or abandoning, will taint a child’s trust in God. A child will wonder why a loving God would allow them to suffer such abuse. This can result in anger toward God. It will be difficult for a child to grasp the concept of a loving God who wants to be lovingly involved in a child’s life.
It may be possible that, sometime in the past, you have been subjected to some kind of abuse. If so, you need to use the coming week in a productive way to overcome your internalised anger. Get in touch with the past when you had anger.
Did you repress, suppress, vent it appropriately or inappropriately? What are your feelings now about your past anger? As you begin to discover the sources of your anger, write down your feelings.
Focus on four things:
1. What happened,
2. How you felt about it.
3. How has it impacted your life?
4. What you choose to do about it now.
You will be surprised that as you begin to externalise your anger, you will begin to find relief from your emotional pain. If the person(s) who caused your anger are living, it is sometimes appropriate to tell them how their abuse has caused you such deep pain.
However, this may not always be possible or wise due to circumstances, but verbalising your anger can be a great healer of your emotional pain. In uncovering the source of your emotional pain, you are not blaming father, mother or anyone else for everything. You are simply identifying the source of your pain and why you have it.
The reason we try to discover the origin of damages in the past is not to blame someone else. Rather, it is to clarify our insights and outline the real issues, so that we can direct our prayers and efforts in the right directions.
At this point, it is very important for you to see the importance of forgiving the one(s) who have caused your pain. Forgiving is a choice. It may take some time to work through the emotions that are involved.
To forgive is not to charge the offence to someone’s account. You can forgive even if someone does not deserve to be forgiven. You need to forgive for your own personal well-being if for no other reason.
This may seem difficult or even impossible, but it is better than suffering the agony of deep emotional pain such as depression. The pain will not go away until you are willing to forgive.
It may help to keep in mind that the one who caused the abuse may have come from a dysfunctional home where he or she experienced abuse. Thus, they have passed on to you how they were treated.
They are to be pitied. Spend much time in prayer. Ask God to help you to forgive. He will. Now read the following scriptures and meditate on them for several days.
The above are all hard sayings, but the sooner you can make them a part of your mindset, the sooner you will get rid of your emotional pain, even such physical afflictions as described in paragraph three of this lesson.
You need to verbalise your anger. You can verbalise your anger out loud to yourself, you can write it out if you want to, but these are not nearly as effective as verbalising it to someone else.
You probably have stuffed your anger for years without knowing it. It needs to come out. Not in a violent way, but expressed in a plain, straightforward, truthful way.
It may be that you want to do this to the person (source) of your anger as already suggested. This requires a lot of courage. It may not be possible for you to do this at this time. But you can express it to someone else, that special person you have in mind, who you can open up to and who can trust to keep everything confidential.
Now is a good time to write down your feelings of anger. Make the words just as strong as you feel. It would be good to verbalise these to that good friend you have picked out to talk with.