Practical Singleness Lesson 8


How Important Is Spiritual Wisdom In My Choice For A Mate?

A very good friend of mine who isn’t a Christian has been dating this guy for almost a year and yet every time I talk with her she isn’t happy with the relationship and so after asking her why she is in the relationship in the first place she told me that she didn’t want to be ‘left behind’ old without a man in her life. How sad!

If there’s ever a time to pray for wisdom, it’s definitely when you’re choosing the right person to enter a relationship with. And remember even after you enter that relationship this doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found the right person for marriage.

Christian singles should carry Biblical wisdom in seeking a Christian match. The more we grasp all that earthly relationships are intended to be, the better we can understand what godly relationships are supposed to be. Christian spiritual insight says that ‘man should gain understanding.’

How can a man relate to a woman if he cannot understand her?

So, seeking understanding is very important.

‘Keep sound wisdom and judgment’

Basically, are you a person with common sense? Do you have a solid sense of judgment when it comes to picking mates? These are excellent bits of knowledge when you are looking for a Christian mate.

‘A generous man will be prosperous.’ Proverbs 11:25

Being generous instead of self-serving is a virtue when you are dealing with others. A self-centred person will eventually turn others away. To find a mate, one must be generous in nature. Spiritual discernment is important in recognizing the inner man/woman instead of the outer man/woman.

This will support you in your decision to find a Christian mate. You must use discernment as you correspond and relate to someone through email and telephone. So, the inner man/woman is important.

Bible Lesson for Christian Singles

The Bible says, ‘Find a wife and you find a good thing; it shows that the Lord is good to you.’ Proverbs 18:22

God considers it a very important thing for a man and woman to find one another and marry. But many Christians do not realize the importance of finding a Christian spouse. A Christian spouse ordained by God can be the difference between living a long, fruitful, prosperous life overflowing with the blessings of God and living a life-ending in sadness, heartbreak, and divorce.

We may know of marriages that work even when the two spouses do not believe the same way. However, it is difficult, if not impossible, to know what is going on behind closed doors if they are not living in the fullness of God’s blessings.

Solomon’s Mistakes

‘Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together?’ 2 Corinthians 6:14

A big reason for this is that the person in darkness will tend to lead the believer astray, back into a life of sin. Paul goes on to say, ‘What does Christ have in common with Belial, light with darkness, righteousness with wickedness?’

The answer is nothing!

King Solomon failed in this; He took 700 wives & 300 concubines and was led astray from his faith. The Bible said that ‘he followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians & Molech, the detestable god of the Ammorites, so he did evil in the sight of the Lord. He fell from God’s favour, and it was all due to the wives who led him into idolatry.’ 1 Kings 11

Unequally Yoked: Not Just For Marriage

Most seasoned Christians are familiar with the 2 Corinthians 6:14 mentioned above, concerning being unequally yoked. Most Christians may also agree that a believer should not marry a non-believer.

However, the problem is that being unequally yoked goes beyond just marriage. Any partnership that ‘yokes’ a believer with a non-believer should be avoided. One example of this issue is when a Christian and a non-Christian embark in a business together. Christian values and moneymaking are at odds many times.

Dating is a partnership too. If a believer knows for sure that the potential ‘date’ is a non-believer, the issue of dating should be a ‘no brainer’ for the Christian. He is unequally yoked.

The believer shouldn’t rationalize the decision to date as an opportunity to witness and ‘create’ a Christian spouse, a lot of Christians fall into this trap. The Believer can witness and evangelise without dating, and the witness will be more powerful.

Is it a sin for a believer to date a non-believer?

I don’t know, but I do know it is unwise. The Bible is filled with individuals who decided not to follow the Lord’s wisdom and found misery.

A Believer but Still No Match

We need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone who shares the same faith as you do but you can still not get along or be compatible in other areas. Two Christians together in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean that they’re right together. Listen to the wisdom of Solomon in the Proverbs.

‘A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones’. Proverbs 12:4

‘Sluggards do not plough in season; so, at harvest time they look but find nothing’. Proverbs 20:4

‘Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife’. Proverbs 21:9

‘Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife’ Proverbs 21:19

‘An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins’. Proverbs 29:22

Applying This to Today’s Christian Single

We can take this principle in God’s Word and apply it to our lives. For instance, when first meeting a potential spouse you may not be sure if that person is a Christian. Go ahead and ask, there’s no harm in asking, right?

If that person says ‘Yes’ then you know you will have your faith in common and making a future life together will be easier by the grace of God.

If the person you meet says ‘No’ and they are not a Christian, you can make the choice to pursue the relationship and witness to them for Christ and His Gospel or find someone else.

If your mind is fully made up to only date Christian singles, then this will not be difficult! In fact, your companion will likely respect you for your beliefs and God will bless you. The happiest married people are generally those who were also happy while being single.

Changing your marital status doesn’t guarantee a change in your happiness or your contentment or your satisfaction with life. Discontented singles aren’t usually the best candidates for an unhappy marriage.

Don’t go into a relationship for the fun of it, enter into a relationship with a purpose and that purpose should be to see if you are both compatible for marriage. Many people may disagree with me on this but here is my reason why.

You wouldn’t walk into a shop and open a packet of cheese and onion crisps to see if you like them. No! You already know if you like them, that’s why you didn’t choose salt and vinegar crisps. In today’s society too, many people like to test the goods first, usually sexually or just living together for a while, and if they decide they don’t like it they throw them away.

That person you are throwing away is created in the image of God, so you need to treat them with the respect God gave them. When you enter a relationship with both of you knowing why, for marriage, you will both quickly discover if you’re right for each other or not and God willing this will help you both make the right decisions for the future.

But please remember just because your relationship doesn’t work out and you don’t end up married, doesn’t mean disaster, after all, you’ve both still glorified God whilst you were together which is the whole purpose and it’s better to find out sooner rather than later. Simply go back to enjoying being single again.

Yeah, I’m feeling good tonight, finally doing me and it feels so right, oh, Time to do the things I like, going to the club everything’s alright, oh,

No one to answer to, no one that’s gonna argue, no, And since I got the hold off me, I’m living life now that I’m free, yeah,

Telling me to get myself together now I got myself together, yeah, Now I made it through the weather better days are gonna get better

I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out I’m moving on, I’m so sorry but it’s over now, the pain is goooone,

I’m putting on my shades to cover up my eyes, I’m jumpin’ in my ride, I’m heading out tonight, I’m solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.

I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine, I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky. I’m solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.

Now I’m feeling how I should, never knew single could feel this good, oh, Stop playing miss understood, back in the game, who knew I would, oh, So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ridin’ Solo (Jason Derulo)

Your First Thoughts

Please write down your own thoughts on this part of the lesson whilst they are fresh in your mind.

Evaluation Questions

These questions are designed to help you think through the topic discussed so that you may have a true view of yourself.

1. How important does the role of wisdom play for YOU in choosing a mate?

2. Can YOU see and understand the many mistakes which Solomon did in choosing the wrong mate?

3. What dangers can YOU see in getting into a relationship with someone outside of the Lord’s church?

4. Write down some ways in which a person may be a Christians, but they still not be right for YOU?

5. If one or BOTH OF YOU decide that the relationship isn’t right for YOU BOTH, what good can come out of the experience?

Next Class

You Cannot Make Someone Love You

We will discuss: Trying to learn from other people’s mistakes and as there are so many emotions and hormones involved within a relationship we shall ask and try and answer the following questions; what is an infatuation? What is lust? What is sexual attraction? What is real love? We will finish by looking at why real love really is precious.

Next Class Preparation

Please read 2 Samuel 13 / Genesis 29 / 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Go To Practical Singleness Lesson 9


"But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me"