Introduction

Almost one half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce and this is not just with people outside the church. If the above five conclusions are true then thousands in the Lord’s church today are “living in adultery.”

Rarely does a divorce decree state adultery as the cause for the divorce.

The results of this situation vary. Often people with a divorce are not made to feel welcome in a congregation, or else they are completely ignored. In many instances, those who are suspect are not permitted to be involved in any leadership roles such as teaching, leading prayer or leading singing, etc.

On the other hand, some are welcome. Their monetary contributions are gladly accepted. They may even be looked upon as “faithful members.”

At the same time, they are treated as second class members. Those with a divorce in their background seemingly never escape the stigma that is attached to divorce, even if they are considered the innocent victims.

Often divorced couples seek counseling from a preacher. It is difficult for him to tell them he believes they must separate with one of them (usually the man) having to leave his mate and children and to live a celibate life.

Some preachers say they read what the Bible says and then leave it up to the couple to decide what they will do. Such counselling offers very little guidance, direction or solution to their marriage status.

Others have advised; “Throw yourselves on the mercy of God.”

This implies guilt without any certainty of forgiveness. “Just maybe God will make an exception in their case.”

Some, advise, “Since you are not going to separate go ahead and bring your children with you to worship and Bible classes so they will learn God’s word.”

What kind of message does this send to the couple and their children?

Preachers often refuse to perform a marriage ceremony for a member if there is a divorce in the background. There are some preachers who will not baptize a divorced person or couple unless they agree to separate. Christian teachers and leaders should be very sure of their scriptural grounds before declaring any person unfit for marriage.

“Forbidding to marry,” for the wrong reasons is one of the marks of the apostate church (1 Timothy 4:1-3). Breaking up a marriage and the home where children are involved results in a highly traumatic and emotional situation.

There are no closer bonds than those of a family. It is an easy matter to tell someone else they must separate but it goes against everything that seems fair, logical, and natural.

Most couples are unwilling to break the bonds of love that prevail in a family. Such advice has been tragically counterproductive driving thousands away from the church in despair and without any hope.

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