Introduction

We are going to look at the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 to see what we can learn from her. Bear in mind, she isn’t an actual woman, but it’s a description of a woman that King Lemuel’s mother advised him to seek.

Before we get into the text, it’s worth noting that Proverbs 31:10-31 is actually written in poem form. It begins with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet and then proceeds through the rest of the Hebrew alphabet.

1. Her worth.

‘A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10

Some translations have the words, ‘Who can find a virtuous wife?’ but the point is clear, she is a woman of power and strength. Her husband, who is noble, knows that she is more than capable. Her husband knows that she is strong and therefore valuable, which makes her rare like rubies.

In other words, she is worth more than your annual income. And I’m wondering if that’s how we husbands think about our wives. When was the last time your husband told you how much he values you? Paul tells us that we should love them as Christ loves the church, Ephesians 5:25. That is, to love her sacrificially, unselfishly, and purposely.

2. Her Faithfulness.

‘Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.’ Proverbs 31:11-12

In a world where adultery and fornication are rife, here is a woman who can be trusted to be faithful to her husband. Her husband isn’t going to run off with some rich woman in a love affair. Oh no, he’s got a wife who is worth way more than that, way more than any ruby that could be found.

Her husband trusts her because she has earned his trust. He’s got a wife who will do nothing but good for him all the days of her life. He’s got a wife who submits to him and lives with purity and reverence, 1 Peter 3:1-2.

3. Her Work Ethic.

“She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.’ Proverbs 31:13-18

Someone once said, ‘Don’t tell me you love me, show me.’ And her commitment to her husband and her love for him are shown in her actions and attitudes. It wasn’t that long ago when women were taught to hate ‘hard work’, and they stayed at home in the enslaving atmosphere of the housewife.

This isn’t a lazy woman claiming benefits, this isn’t a stay-at-home mum. She diligently works and enjoys what she does, Proverbs 10:4. She gets up in the morning and gets things done. She was a businesswoman, and she was more than happy to go out into the world and trade with merchants and buyers.

She knows how to use her talents to provide for her family. She plants a vineyard, that she may have wine for a beverage, for medicine, and for sacrifice. When her goods are selling, she works into the night to maintain production.

4. Her Generosity.

‘In her hand, she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.’ Proverbs 31:19-20

One of her talents was making thread with the distaff and the spindle. She is a very hard worker and businesswoman, but she didn’t forget about those who were vulnerable.

She is interested in those who are vulnerable; she cares about the poor and the needy, Psalm 82:3. In fact, her arms were always open to help them. She was willing to feed those who needed to be fed, clothe those who needed clothing and protect those who needed to be protected.

Here is a woman who knows not only her own worth, but the worth of others, regardless of their status in life. She always put the interests of others ahead of her own, Philippians 2:3-4.

5. Her Family.

‘When it snows, she has no fear for her household, for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.’ Proverbs 31:21-22

She knows how to use her strengths to her advantage, and she knows why she is doing it; she wants to support her family. Her most repeated quality is her care for her household.

And that’s a lesson we all must learn because we all can spend so much time on work that we neglect those closest to us, Song of Songs 1:6. We get so busy with life, we often neglect not only our relationship with our spouses but also our relationship with God, Revelation 2:4.

6. Her Husband’s Reputation.

‘Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.’ Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is not only a noble man but also an elder. Someone once said, ‘Behind every great man stands a great woman.’ The reason her husband has a good reputation is that she has a good reputation. She cares for her husband’s reputation, and she works hard so that her husband can carry out the role God has given him to do.

An elder has a huge task, and even in the Old Testament, he had the responsibility of sorting out the affairs of the community he served. Yes, she was wealthy, and yes, her husband had an important role to play. But she never lost sight of the value of having a good reputation, Proverbs 22:1.

7. Her Confidence In The Future.

‘She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.’ Proverbs 31:24-27

Although she works hard, she can laugh at the future. And the reason she can laugh is that she is strong, dignified, and honest in her dealings with others. She’s not like the religious leaders who used dishonest scales to rip off people, Proverbs 11:1.

Her reputation was worth way more than any deceitful profit she could gain from anyone. Her words are characterised by wisdom and faithful instruction. She is alert to the needs of her family, and she knows that idleness can lead to sin. That’s why she is so energetic in meeting her family’s needs.

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to studying with other groups, I have a secret weapon which I often like to unleash. That secret weapon is called my wife, and if these people thought I knew a little about the Scriptures, they would be silenced when they met my wife.

The point is, when my wife speaks, people stop to listen. And the reason people stop to listen is that more often than not, she speaks wisdom. We all need to learn to be wise and handle the Word of God correctly, 2 Timothy 2:15, because when we do, people will listen to us.

8. Her Reward.

‘Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Proverbs 31:28-29

This is the reward for being a virtuous woman. Her family will speak highly of her, and her children and her husband call her blessed and simply praise her. I wonder how many children today say these kinds of words to their mothers? I wonder how many husbands today say these kinds of words to their wives?

Oh, how we need children and husbands to encourage their wives like this today. Lots of women do many noble things, but his wife, well, she surpasses all of them. In other words, she is in a league of her own.

9. Her Fear.

‘Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.’ Proverbs 31:30

We all know people who appear charming and physically beautiful. And many women use their charm and beauty to take advantage of others. But we also know that when we get older, we don’t keep the beauty we once had.

The real worth of this woman is seen in the fact that she fears the LORD. The real worth of a woman isn’t seen in what she wears. It’s inwardly in her gentle and quiet spirit; it’s seen in her devotion to God, 1 Peter 3:3-4.

10. Her Honour.

‘Honour her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.’ Proverbs 31:31

The woman deserves to be honoured and praised for all her hard work at the city gates. She knows that being the wife of an elder who met at the city gates is only going to help her husband in his role to help others in the community. Praising her at the city gates gives us the idea of a memorial for her and all that she has done.

In other words, all her acts of kindness and generosity have left a legacy among the community she worked in. Husbands are to honour their wives, and we do that by recognising that she too has a share in your gracious life, 1 Peter 3:7.

Let me encourage the married women, model your life after the woman described in Proverbs 31. Let me encourage you, husbands, to cherish your wife, bless her and be proud of her.

Let me encourage you, young women, if you plan to marry one day, let me encourage you to strive to be like this woman. Let me encourage you, young men, if you plan to marry one day, let me encourage you to strive to be like the husband we read about.