1. The little foxes that spoil the vineyards.
As a very young boy growing up in a middle Tennessee town, the preacher in my home congregation preached a series of lessons on the subject of “The Little Foxes That Spoil the Vineyards.” These lessons made a very great impression on me.
This subject is taken from the text of Song of Songs 2:15. Paraphrasing this passage, it might read as follows.
Generally speaking, we consider some sins as major sins while others we might classify as being very minor. Even the Bible infers that some sins were worse than others.
An example of this is where Jesus speaks of Judas’ betrayal, saying, “Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin,” John 19:11. There is no doubt that some sins seem to have greater consequences than others.
You might tell a lie to someone, and that would not be as endangering as if you murdered that person. If you robbed a bank, you would end up in prison, whereas being jealous of someone who has more money than you would not give you a prison sentence.
However, sin is sin regardless of its proportions or nature. A particular sin may not get you arrested, but just because society may condone or even approve a certain conduct doesn’t mean God sanctions or removes the consequences of sin.
Sin, any sin, all sin, brings death to the soul. Paul says, “For the wages of sin is death,” Romans 6:23. A person might plead, “I just tell little white lies now and then.”
A white lie is as much a sin as any so-called “black lie”. A number of so-called “little sins” make one a greater sinner than one so-called “great sin.” Sometimes a little sin can be more detrimental and have a more fatal effect than a so-called “big sin”.
Sin separates us from God according to Isaiah 59:1. Paul asserts in Ephesians 4:18 that sin darkens the mind and alienates us from God. Sin makes people carnal, 1 Corinthians 3:3, causes one to wrong his own soul, Proverbs 8:36, poisons our speech, Romans 3:13-14, defiles the mind and conscience, Titus 1:15, and places the sinner in the devil’s grip of power, Ephesians 2:2.
The bottom line is that the unforgiven sinner is lost, Luke 15:32 / John 8:21 / John 8:24. Paul makes it very clear that “The wages of sin is death,” Romans 6:23. This is spiritual death or separation from God, which can be eternal if not repented of.
So we should be concerned about all sin, not just certain sins. Ignored sins that may seem of no importance can condemn us just as much as the big sins.
Sin tends to fall into two categories.
1. There are sins of omission.
2. There are sins of commission.
Sin, then, might be defined as any omission or transgression of any law of God that pertains to mankind today.
In the very next verse, Paul says that the law gives us knowledge of sin, Romans 3:20. The result is that it convicts us of our sin. It is also interesting to note that the more we know of God’s will, the greater our accountability becomes. However, ignorance is no excuse, even though it may lessen the penalty to some degree.
Based on having listened to preaching for several years and having preached for several years, if I were to attempt to rate what has been considered to be the big sins, they would be as follows. Adultery, I suppose, would rate as the number one sin. Especially if it is evident, as in pregnancy.
In many cases, this has been unforgivable with some Christians, even though the person might have repented. More often, it leads to reckless gossip. Drunkenness would certainly rank right up there at the top of the list.
When I was a boy, divorce was almost unheard of and considered a very shameful sin. Often, when a divorce occurred, the person was disowned by his or her family. Of course, remarriage without a scriptural reason ranks as a major sin.
I recently pulled out of my files a publication from 1950 which had as its theme, “Modern Evils.” Some of the subjects discussed were movies, dancing, petting, and swearing. All were written by well-known brethren. Growing up, card playing, mixed swimming and girls wearing shorts were considered major sins.
I can remember a well-known evangelist speaking to a packed house in a gospel meeting, telling how he had been rebuked as a boy by an old sister for playing horseshoes on a Sunday afternoon. He said from that day forward, he never did that again. The point of his sermon was that it was sinful to engage in any kind of recreation on the Lord’s Day.
I would not minimise or ridicule any of the above things. I have many times preached on “big sins”. Sin is sin, and we have an obligation to preach and teach on any sin. However, I can just as easily produce another list of sins that few would hardly give a second thought to because we don’t look upon them as significant.
For example, how much attention do we give to the sins of covetousness, jealousy, selfishness, gossip, anger, unconcern for the lost, favouritism, cynicism, etc., etc? How many sermons have you heard preached on these sins?
These sins are not “little” in any sense. They can be just as destructive to the soul as any of the so-called “big sins.” For example, covetousness can condemn the soul just as quickly as adultery.
I do not remember all the little foxes brother Martin preached on, but I would like, in the next few weeks, to discuss some very dangerous “little foxes” that I think have gone unnoticed. We are admonished to “make every effort to confirm your calling and election,” 2 Peter 1:10.
As unnoticed as some of these may be, we don’t want to overlook them, thinking they are of no significance. As we get into some of them, they may become unpleasant to dwell on because they are so common among us.
If we feel uncomfortable talking about them, then this ought to be a wake-up call to get serious and see if we need to rid ourselves of sins that can destroy us spiritually.
We need to keep in mind constantly the words of John.
The danger of little sins is that they lie within us, and we never attempt to do anything about them because we classify them as little sins of no consequence. In the next verse, John gives the solution to sin, any sin.
1. Review of last lesson.
2. I would like to do an experiment.
3. Which sins stand out the most to you? Did you notice “envy”?
How easy it is to emphasise certain sins and overlook others. This brings us to the subject I want to discuss: the little twin foxes. One is called envy, and the other is called Jealousy.
I. Envy defined.
A. These little foxes are almost identical twins.
One is hardly seen without the other. It is difficult to tell them apart. Some say that envy is discontent with the good fortune of others, while jealousy fear of losing what one has. Jealousy can be used both in a good and bad sense, whereas envy is always associated with evil.
B. Both have to do with feelings of discontent and resentfulness that arise in the heart over some favour, good fortune, blessing, honour, or affection someone else is receiving that I think should be bestowed on me.
C. Envy pains can destroy a man like a knife in the chest.
It has been known to split churches, shrink our circle of friends, and destroy our personalities.
Envy is so serious because of the destruction it can bring to the soul.
II. Some bible examples of envy.
A. Envy goes back to the beginning, where God was displeased that Cain offered the fruits of the ground, but God did not respect his offering.
It is said that “So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast,” Genesis 4:5. Cain’s envy led to wrath. Finally, he murdered his brother, Genesis 4:8. Cain was resentful that his brother had received more honour than he had received.
B. Joseph’s brothers envied him because their father loved Joseph more than all his children.
They also envied him because of his dreams and their implication that he would rule over them. Their envy led to their selling Joseph into slavery, Genesis 37:4-28 / Acts 7:9.
C. Saul envied David because the people were shouting that David had killed his tens of thousands while Saul had killed only thousands, 1 Samuel 18:7 / 1 Samuel 21:11. For the rest of his life, Saul hunted David down with the intent of killing him.
D. Pilate handed Jesus over because of envy.
E. An unknown man from an obscure village began to speak and perform miracles in the many villages throughout Galilee.
Later, he appears in Jerusalem. His popularity increased tremendously. Later on, a few days before the Jewish Passover, Jesus entered the city triumphantly. The multitudes who heard of his coming went out to see him. They began to cry out, “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD,” Psalm 118:26 / Luke 13:35.
F. The Pharisees resented his popularity.
This was just too much for the Pharisees. Their envy and hatred rose up, and they called for the death of Jesus. Pilot knew Jesus was an innocent man, and he also knew that it was because of envy that they called for his death.
Jesus was getting all the attention, and they were getting none. Their envy turned into hate, and their hate led them to carry out mock trials and have Jesus crucified, John 18:13-23 / Luke 22:66-71 / John 18:28-38 / Luke 23:8-12.
III. Application.
A. Human nature has not changed.
Envy still can be seen all around us. Not only in the business and professional world, but also in the church. We see it among preachers, elders, deacons, song leaders, and teachers. It is common among all Christians.
B. Have you ever felt unhappy because someone could do a better job than you?
Have you ever felt resentful because someone else had more knowledge than you? Have you ever felt pain because someone else seems to have more than you do? Have you ever felt uncomfortable because someone else seems to get more attention, approval, or recognition than you?
C. To disprove that another person is not what others think they are, envious people will resort to the tongue.
A lot of damage can be done with the tongue. Remarks are made that are designed to cause others to think badly of them.
D. Envious people will resort to mean and ugly ways to make others appear bad.
E. An envious person feels that other people’s good fortune is his misfortune, that their success is his failure and that their blessing is his curse.
We should examine our motives which prompt criticism and complaints against others. This is why God’s word warns us about this sin.
F. When you stop and think about it, why should we be jealous of anyone?
For example, why should I be jealous of any preacher? I know that I can never preach as well as many other preachers. I know I can never have the knowledge that others have. I will not baptise more than others have. Should I not rejoice that others can accomplish things I cannot accomplish? This is true in any other service we perform in the church.
G. If God has given my brother a greater talent than he has given to me, should I not rejoice in his success?
We are all what we are. You are neither superior nor inferior to anyone else. You are simply you. You have been created in the image of God. According to Peter, you can even partake of divine nature, 2 Peter 1:4.
No two people are exactly the same. We all have different talents and abilities. Be thankful for what God has given you. Learn to be content. With Paul, let us all learn to say, “By the grace of God I am what I am,” 1 Corinthians 15:10.
1. Let us learn with Paul to be content in whatsoever state I am in.
2. Fill ourselves with love. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 12:26 that love is not grieved when others are honoured, when one member of the body suffers, all the members suffer with him; when one member of the body is honoured or praised, all the members rejoice with him.
3. In his great chapter on love, Paul says, “Love does not envy,” 1 Corinthians 13:4.
1. We are looking at some of the “little foxes that destroy the vineyard”, or so-called little sins that can destroy our souls.
2. In this lesson, we will be studying the little fox of gossip.
The word gossip is not a word you will often find in the Bible. Instead, you will find such words as evil speaking, talebearing, whisperer, and slander.
3. The dictionary defines it as “small talk or chatter about someone, often about things heard from others but not known to be facts.”
However, with God, it is not small talk. This is probably why stronger words are used in the Bible than gossip.
4. James says the following.
One of the longest catalogues of sin in the New Testament is found in Romans one. Among all those sins, gossips, and slanderers.
5. When one sees the effects of gossip, it is easy to understand why gossip is listed along with other sins.
The menace of gossip destroys love, friendship, and confidence in others. All of us are guilty at times of gossip. But we can learn to abstain from this destructive sin.
I. How gossip is carried.
A. There is the blunt technique.
One may say, “I don’t have much use for brother Brown,” and then give his reason. This person does not attempt to hide his dislike and may even say, “I’d say it to his face.”
B. There is the frankness technique.
A person may say, “I’ll be very frank with you about this.” Some equate frankness with truthfulness and pride themselves in being honest with all men. However, frankness does not give one a license to berate a child of God.
God’s way is “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over,” Matthew 18:15.
C. Another technique is “I heard”, or “they say” or “They tell me.”
When we presume to pass on information which might be very damaging to another’s reputation, we need to consider the seriousness of the matter. Is it firsthand information? Has it been passed on from others? Usually, it enlarges each time it is repeated.
Seeing that we have faults and failings of our own, we should not be too eager to publish the faults and failings of others. Here, we need to remember the admonition of the Lord to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.
D. Then there is the subtle technique.
This approach is used to ease one’s conscience. “Yes, she is a nice girl, but isn’t it a pity about Sally?”, then proceed for ten minutes to “run her down” in a “kindly” sort of way.
E. Finally, there is the Pseudo-Spiritual technique.
“Charlotte needs our prayers, but as you know, she has problems controlling her children.” Then follows a thorough analysis of Charlotte’s spiritual weakness so that others may pray more intelligently about her. This self-righteous person never gives a thought to “first taking the plank out of their own eye,” Matthew 7:5.
II. The devastating results of gossip.
A. Gossip wounds.
Wounding a brother or sister in Christ is a terrible thing to do. If a gossiper pulls down others, will he then pull me down when he is talking to others?
B. Gossip separates friends.
Many close friends have become enemies because of superfluous talk.
C. Gossip sows strife and digs up evil.
One who is eager to talk will find something to talk about. He can always find something to dig up.
D. Gossip ensnares the gossiper’s own soul.
The gossiper is digging his own grave. He is killing his own soul. He is not only harming others but bringing condemnation to himself as well.
E. Gossip is classed with the worst of evil.
It is mentioned with such sins as fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, murder, deceit, malignity, haters of God and drunkenness, Romans 1:29-30 / Titus 2:3.
F. Gossip is dangerous.
The gossiper does with words what some do with guns and knives.
III. Why do Christians gossip?
A. Some find it enjoyable to learn about and discuss the faults of others.
The newspapers and T.V. stations found out a long time ago that scandal makes news.
B. We criticise because we are critical at heart.
If you are full of critical feelings toward people, you will not be able to stop putting these feelings into words.
Whatever is in our minds, we usually share with others. The question then is, is this truth-sharing or tale-bearing? Remember that critical words come from a critical heart.
C. Some criticise others because they flatter themselves in that they are such good judges of character.
It is surprising how much human weakness, real or imaginary, will be discovered by people who begin making judgments about others’ character.
D. Being a good listener to gossip will inevitably lure you into sharing your gossip with the gossiper.
When you listen, you get entangled. You have to start contributing sooner or later. Sometimes, it’s like telling jokes; we have to tell one that is bigger. The whisperer cannot be trusted. He is one of the most unreliable of all men. Would we dare place confidence in a known whisperer?
E. A subconscious sense of our own weaknesses and inadequacies often leads us to criticise others.
By cutting others to pieces, we feel better about our own shortcomings. We begin to feel that we are not so bad after all.
F. Some gossip for the love of creating a sensation.
Sometimes the news can cause gasps and “you don’t mean it.” You, as the news bearer, suddenly become important because you have juicy morsels that no one else knows about.
Due to the fact that we cannot always discern the exact nature and degree of other people’s faults, only God can do this; we may easily magnify them and judge them too severely.
A. First, refuse to listen to gossip or criticism.
When you listen, you increase the gossiper’s sense of importance. You give him an audience. This is difficult advice to follow, for you may really want to listen.
B. If your criticism concerns John Smith, go first to John Smith.
If he has sinned against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone, Matthew 18:15-17.
C. Deal with your feelings of criticism of others while it is still in your heart.
Does it have to do with some grave sin in somebody, or is it something that gets you upset? Whichever it is, go to the Lord in prayer before you talk about it to anyone else.
D. If there is no need to talk, be silent.
Keep yourself in check when the person’s name comes up. Ask the Lord to set a watch over your lips.
E. Ask yourself the following questions.
Is it necessary that I tell this? Will it profit me or him about whom I’m speaking? Have I considered every possible angle? Do I know all the circumstances? An earnest endeavour to answer these queries may check the flow of harmful words.
F. Finally, “Love must be sincere,” Romans 12:9.
Love cannot speak evil in the absence of its object, nor can it backbite nor defame.
We have been studying the theme “The Little Foxes That Destroy The Vineyards.” The purpose of these lessons is not to take anyone on a guilt trip, but that we may all be aware of the so-called “little sins” which can destroy us. It is these sins that we most often ignore, overlook or disregard.
“I had a little tea party this afternoon at three.
‘Twas very small—Three guests in all—Just I, myself, and me.
Myself ate all the sandwiches, while I drank up the tea.
‘Twas also I who ate the pie and passed the cake to me.”
This little poem introduces our topic for this lesson.
Along with this, we can associate such words as “selfishness”, “self-centred” “self-willed,” “false pride,” pride,” greed “, and “hoarding”, etc. We are talking about a life that is centred on self, with little care or concern about others.
When one makes his own will the centre of life, his divine and human relationships are destroyed, and obedience to God becomes impossible.
Some have said that love of self is the basic sin from which all other sins flow. Selfish people say things like, “What’s in it for me?” “I must have my way!” “I want it, and I want it now.” There is a song made popular by Frank Sinatra, “I did it my way.” Me, myself, and I are the main concerns of the self-centred person.
I. Bible examples of love of self, selfishness.
A. When Abraham came out of Egypt with Lot, they had so many flocks, herds, tents, and shepherds that the land could not support them both, Genesis 13:6.
Their herdsmen were quarrelling, Genesis 13:7. Abraham said, “Let’s not have any quarrelling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives,’ Genesis 13:8.
He told Lot to choose where he wanted to settle, and Abraham would take what was left. Lot saw the plain of Jordan that it was well watered. He chose the most fertile land in his view. Being his nephew, Lot should have let Abraham choose first.
B. In 1 Kings 21, we have the story of Naboth’s vineyard.
This man owned a vineyard close to the palace of Ahab, the king of Samaria. Ahab wanted it very much. Naboth refused on the basis that it was an inheritance that had been handed down to him through many generations of the family. Ahab went away sulking and angry because he could not get it.
He got into his bed and even refused to eat. His wife Jezebel rebuked him for his sulking. By treachery, she had Naboth stoned to death. When Jezebel informed him of Naboth’s death, he got out of bed and went down to take possession of the vineyard. He paid a great price because Elijah told him that the dogs would lick up his blood in the place where Naboth had been stoned, 1 Kings 21:19 / 1 Kings 22:38.
C. From the New Testament, there is the story of the rich ruler in Luke 18 who came to Jesus asking, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Luke 18:18.
Jesus referred him to the commandments, Luke 18:19-20. The man replied that he had kept all the commandments from the time he was a boy, Luke 18:21. Jesus told him to sell everything and give it to the poor, and he would have treasures in heaven, Luke 18:22. Then come and follow Jesus. When the man heard this, we are told he went away sad because he had great wealth, Luke 18:23.
This shows us that a person can be very religious and still be self-centred. We are very rich and do not know it. Look at our houses. Over half the people of this world live in shambles or crude shelters of some kind. Most of them live on dirt floors.
Look at the parking lot on a Sunday morning. The majority of people in the world do not own cars. They walk or maybe ride a bicycle. They are fortunate if they have some form of public transportation. Look at the abundance of food we have. Many people in the world would welcome our scraps, which we put in the garbage can.
Look at our clothes. The majority of people in the world rarely have more than two changes of clothes. Look at our contributions on Sundays? A congregation of our size should be able to give far more than what we have budgeted.
D. Then there is the rich man and Lazarus.
This man “lived in luxury every day”, Luke 16:19. In other words, he liked to flaunt his wealth. Lazarus only desired the crumbs from his table, Luke 16:20-21. When we see this man, we see the epitome of selfishness and self-centeredness.
E. There is the rich fool of Luke 12.
This man was not satisfied with his present prosperity. He said he would tear down his barns and build bigger ones, Luke 12:17-18. He carries on a dialogue with himself.
II. The results of being self-centred.
A. Selfishness will drive Christ out of one’s heart.
When self comes to the front door, Christ goes out the back door. He may mouth words of his loyalty to Christ, but his actions will indicate otherwise.
The truth is that a selfish person cannot be dedicated to God; neither can he put the kingdom first in his life.
B. A selfish person gains no respect for others.
He is often scoffed at by others. It is difficult to have a close relationship with a selfish person.
C. A selfish person is miserable and unhappy.
You can’t be happy when everything is centered on self. We were not made that way. True happiness can only come with a relationship with others. I have never seen a selfish person who is really happy in life. Their lives become empty because the essentials to happy are missing.
A self-centred person cannot fulfil his responsibilities to fellow members of the body of Christ because of selfish interest. Attendance at worship services is considered enough. When called upon to do something, the selfish person often replies, “I don’t have time, I can’t do it.” “I’m too busy.” “Get someone else.”
D. Pride is another manifestation of self-centeredness.
If you don’t do it my way, I’ll pitch a fit. The selfish person wants a decision made to suit his personal desires and wishes. Bragging is often associated with false pride.
By bragging, we make ourselves out to be really strong, faithful Christians. Sometimes the bragging can be about one’s own selfish interest, such as possessions, people we know and have associated with.
E. It hurts a person’s giving of his finances.
When one is self-centred, he things only of themselves and not about the Lord and how important it is to support that work.
III. How do we overcome selfishness, self-centeredness?
A. First, maybe we need to review what conversion involves.
According to Romans 6, the Christian life is seen as a dying to self, a crucifying of the old man and the raising of a new man, Romans 6:6-7.
B. Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me,” Galatians 2:20.
C. Paul also said, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honour God with your bodies,” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.
D. Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” Matthew 16:24.
E. “Love is not self-seeking,” 1 Corinthians 13:5.
F. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
1. I have no doubt that Selfishness is one of the more common sins among us.
Few of us can say we have not been selfish at times. The question is to what extent it controls us?
2. It is a dangerous sin which can destroy us. We each need to take stock and see if it is under our control.
We continue our study of “The Little Foxes That Destroy The Vineyard.” We are looking at the so-called “little sins” that we often ignore, overlook or maybe even consider to be of no significance. These little foxes can be just as dangerous and destructive as any so-called “big sin.”
So far, we have looked at the little foxes of envy, jealousy, gossip, and selfishness. In this lesson, we want to talk about the little fox of anger. Begin by saying, anger is a natural emotion that we are born with.
We began to express it as early as infancy. Later on, children will have temper tantrums. As they grow older, they get into taunting and calling people names. Hopefully, as they grow older, they learn to control their anger. Anything that frustrates or irritates us will usually provoke the emotion of anger. Being a natural emotion, it is not unusual for us to express it.
Paul would not tell us to do something that is wrong. Even Jesus expressed anger at the Temple when he overturned the money changers’ tables and drove out the animals, Mark 11:15-18 / Luke 19:45-47 / John 2:14-16.
A number of times, we are told of God’s anger at someone or sometimes at his people, the Israelites, because of their sinful ways. Moses became angry at Eleazer on one occasion, Leviticus 10:16-20.
Growing up, our family rules have always said it was wrong to express anger. You would be punished if you did express anger. How many children have been told, “You need to have your mouth washed out with soap”? However, it is not wrong or sinful to be angry as long as we express it in the right way.
The important thing is that we express it in such a way as to “sin not.” We can verbalise our anger without losing control, saying, or doing something inappropriate. Also, anger should not be allowed to be retained for a long period of time. Paul says don’t keep it past sundown.
I. Anger handled in the wrong way can result in physical and mental harm.
A. We usually handle anger in one of three ways.
1. First, we outwardly express it, either in a controlled way or in an uncontrolled way.
Sometimes we may shout out loud our anger, even verbally or physically abusing someone. Many times, anger has led to murder, Matthew 5:21-22. Others may throw something; some kick the dog or take it out on their family. Some who never curse will curse when angry. Obviously, expressing anger in a controlled way is the only proper way to handle anger.
2. Second, some will repress it.
When you repress anger, you stuff it and refuse to feel it. This often happens in child abuse. If a child is abused in some way, he or she will often stuff it, trying to forget it because it is too painful to bear. The problem with this is that in later life, the anger will come out in some form, shape, or fashion. It may be in some physical ailment or in mental depression.
3. Third, some will suppress it. If you suppress your anger, you feel it, but you don’t express it.
The feelings often last for years and years with an unforgiving spirit. Again, this can cause physical and mental problems.
4. Many studies have been made of the ill effects of anger and hate upon the human body.
It has been found to be very destructive to the body. Blood pressure may rise to a dangerous point. The heart is effected which in turn affects various physiological functions. The nervous system is also affected. One authority in this field has gone so far as to say that pent-up anger causes more deaths than any other cause.
5. This is because of the harmful effects anger and hate have on the vital organs of the body.
Anger, which is improperly handled, often leads to depression. As stress builds, it results in anxiety that is not dealt with. Biochemical changes then begin to take place in the brain, which can lower vital chemicals that serve as neurotransmitters in the brain. As this chemical decreases, depression will result. It is a known fact that depression has its roots in anger and chemical imbalances in the brain.
6. It is known that one of the major causes of mental depression is anger.
Either a person is angry at themselves, angry at others or angry at God. This may sound like an oversimplification, but it is verified by those who work in the field of mental health. Anger that is buried in the subconscious will arise later on to cause serious problems.
II. How to handle our anger.
A. First, if it’s a case where we often lose control of our temper and vent it on someone else, then it is a matter of learning about self-control.
This is not always an easy matter. People who have been out of control for a long time have formed a habit that is difficult to overcome. Anything that is a habit requires a great amount of work and concentration.
Recall a Christian telling how difficult it was for him not to use ugly language. He had always been used to doing this. He said when he would sit down to eat, before he knew it, he would say something like pass me the bloody potatoes. He had to really work to overcome what had become a habit with him.
1. Peter gives us a list of qualities we need to add to our Christian lives.
While the KJV uses the word “temperance”, other translations use the word “self-control”, which seems to be a better rendering.
2. This word comes from the Greek word egrateia, meaning “the ability to take grip of oneself”.
Another definition for this word is “one who holds himself in.” It is the idea of self-government, discipline, and the ability to control our lives.
3. The Lord wants us to be in control at all times.
The person who is out of control is not only a danger to himself but also to others.
4. Paul says the following.
Other translations use the words “passions and desires.”
B. Second, if we are one of those who keep their anger inside and our anger is a result of what someone has done to us, we need to go to that person and confront him or her about their actions.
1. The Lord is specific about what to do when someone has wronged us.
2. Jesus gets more specific when He says the following.
Someone has said that if both the offended and the offender would follow this command, they would meet each other halfway.
3. How many Christians do you know who have done this?
Most are not willing to do so. This may indicate that the offence was not as serious as they had imagined it to be. This simply indicates we may have a problem with our false pride or ego. Some people are easily offended and take what others may say out of context.
In such situations, the one who is supposed to be the offender has committed no sin. He may not have had any intention of hurting anyone. The problem then is with oneself and not the other person.
4. We need to look within and see why we can become so easily offended and why we will allow such situations to arouse our anger toward others.
5. When and if we do go, we must be certain we are going for the right motive, and that is to be reconciled.
Some may go out of the motive or revenge to get back at a person. They go to give them “a piece of their mind.” Paul gives some good advice when we are involved in any confrontation.
Paul says any confrontation must be “in the spirit of gentleness,” Galatians 6:1.
6. The following is an example of how confrontation resolved years of bitterness and anger.
Some time ago, a friend of mine told me about the bitterness he had held in his heart for years against someone. He resolved it through a confrontation with the one whom he had held the anger toward. Confrontation can accomplish much, provided it is done in the right way.
A bitter, angry spirit toward others makes us unlovely and unlovable. Bitterness, resentment, and anger don’t usually stay hidden. They boil over at times and tend to ruin our disposition and outlook on life. It will rob us of our peace of mind, sometimes resulting in depression, even physical ailments.
The little fox of anger must be under control at all times. Remember Paul’s words, “In your anger do not sin,” Ephesians 4:26. Learn to assert your anger in an acceptable way. Instead of venting it in improper ways, learn to express it in ways that will not be offensive to others.
In being assertive, you are not letting people run over you or mistreat you, but in a clear, sure, forward way, you state your case to someone else. As hard as it may seem to be, we are to be “devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves,” Romans 12:10.
The following are some examples of acceptable ways to express anger.
“John, what you just did really upset me. I wish you would not do that. “What you have said really makes me angry. Do you think that was the right thing to say?” “John, I have a matter I need you to hear me out on.” “Bill, I can’t let this just go by and not respond, for I feel what you did was out of place.” “John, something you did last week has really bothered me, and I need to talk to you about it. I hope you will understand my concern for bringing it up to you.”
We can be assertive without being offensive, aggressive, spiteful, or revengeful. In this way, you are showing the emotion of anger, but you have it under control, and you are determined not to let the sun go down on it by keeping bitterness within, never resolved.